Column: Viva la shoplifting
Leigh Meryhew
Issue date: 3/16/10 Section: Opinion
The rising cost of tuition these days is grossly affecting our quality of life as Hamline students.
Lacking any logical inclination on how to fuel state tax dollars into somewhat useful things such as education, social welfare programs and adequate housing, the state has instead left us with few decisions on how to obtain our daily necessities in this meager middle-class existence.
Necessities such as Aveda shampoo, soap, Charmin toilet paper, menstrual pads, sushi rolls, organic toothpaste, clothing and lubricant (okay, maybe not a necessity, but it sure is fun!) are harder and harder to come by.
But seriously. What funds can we possibly be left with after we've paid for our tuition, textbooks, rent and bills while working a snobby café job at minimum wage on the weekends in between voracious study sessions and coffee-induced panic attacks?
That's right. Not much.
However, don't worry folks, I have come up with a simple solution that will solve all of your daily money woes and rid you of thoughts on how to recycle your toilet paper for the second time around.
This epiphany of mine will provide you all with momentary lapses of liberation (especially for all of you white-privileged folks that won't be racially profiled every time you walk through the door), and will even serve as a symbolic fist raise against the man.
That's right, I'm talking about shoplifting. Why shoplift you ask? Why not? Those rolls of toilet paper in the Rainbow Foods bathroom actually cost those nasty money goblins anything?
Shoplifting from large corporations in particular is an easy way in which to organically redistribute wealth.
Who would you rather see benefit off that exfoliating foot cream: you and your winter-cracked feet or the exploiters and abusers of laborers, the destroyers of community and local culture and the capitalist oppressors of impoverished victims all over the world?
I hope the temptation to receive a free pedicure from your local big-shot pharmacy is radiating through your toes right now.
Lacking any logical inclination on how to fuel state tax dollars into somewhat useful things such as education, social welfare programs and adequate housing, the state has instead left us with few decisions on how to obtain our daily necessities in this meager middle-class existence.
Necessities such as Aveda shampoo, soap, Charmin toilet paper, menstrual pads, sushi rolls, organic toothpaste, clothing and lubricant (okay, maybe not a necessity, but it sure is fun!) are harder and harder to come by.
But seriously. What funds can we possibly be left with after we've paid for our tuition, textbooks, rent and bills while working a snobby café job at minimum wage on the weekends in between voracious study sessions and coffee-induced panic attacks?
That's right. Not much.
However, don't worry folks, I have come up with a simple solution that will solve all of your daily money woes and rid you of thoughts on how to recycle your toilet paper for the second time around.
This epiphany of mine will provide you all with momentary lapses of liberation (especially for all of you white-privileged folks that won't be racially profiled every time you walk through the door), and will even serve as a symbolic fist raise against the man.
That's right, I'm talking about shoplifting. Why shoplift you ask? Why not? Those rolls of toilet paper in the Rainbow Foods bathroom actually cost those nasty money goblins anything?
Shoplifting from large corporations in particular is an easy way in which to organically redistribute wealth.
Who would you rather see benefit off that exfoliating foot cream: you and your winter-cracked feet or the exploiters and abusers of laborers, the destroyers of community and local culture and the capitalist oppressors of impoverished victims all over the world?
I hope the temptation to receive a free pedicure from your local big-shot pharmacy is radiating through your toes right now.
Viewing Comments 1 - 3 of 3
david
posted 3/16/10 @ 10:23 AM CST
Hey! You had the EXACT same idea that a priest had four months ago!
http://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/view/133531
The Society
posted 3/16/10 @ 10:37 PM CST
We would like to give you our approval, and applaud your efforts at exploiting the poor to fight the capitalist system. Keep fighting the obnoxious fight. (Continued…)
The Commons
posted 3/17/10 @ 12:02 AM CST
If shoplifting is somehow exploiting the poor in our society, well shit, we've got a serious problem on our hands. If this fight is obnoxious: an attempt to live outside mass consumerism and capitalism through this particular ideology of resistance, I suggest you find another one that coincides with the politics at hand and smash the system with your own tactics. (Continued…)
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